Tits and eyeglasses

I wear glasses. I wear them because I have poor eyesight. Medical science has made it possible for me to see clearly so I take advantage of the opportunity afforded me.

What has that got to do with boobs, you may ask? Nearsightedness is a malfunction of the eyes, whereas a B-cup breast is every bit as functional as a double-D cupper, isn't it? That is absolutely true, but let's face facts. For the majority of women in America, their appearance has little to do with function. According to Worldwatch Institute, over 8 billion dollars was spent in the US in 2006 on women's cosmetics alone. $8 billion just for makeup. Add to that the amount spent on fragrances, hair care products, earrings and assorted bangles and you're talking beaucoup bucks spent on something considered non-functional. In addition to appearance, women also enjoy feeling sexy. Women spent over $11 billion on lingerie last year? Now, that's a lot of teddies.

There is also something else to be considered here. Like it or not, a woman's appearance has a direct bearing on her quality of life. All things being equal, the better looking babe will get more attention in school, the better job, the better car, house, and ultimately, the better mate.

Whatever the reason, women do take pride in their appearance. Their self-esteem is often directly related to their appearance and their sexual desirability, and large breasts have become inextricably intertwined with that. Also, a large-breasted woman is generally perceived as being healthier, more fun and, despite the popular stereotype, more intelligent than her smaller-breasted rivals. Bigger boobs are usually a sign of more successful genes at work.

Is it fair? Is it right? No, but it is reality. In the Old West, the handgun became known as the "Old Equalizer". In America today, the new equalizer is the large rack, and it is doubtful whether a more effective weapon exists.

And much like firearms, big boobs are freely available. Any woman who wants to outclass the competition need only plunk down the cash and she can have the cans of her dreams.

A recent study published in the American Aesthetic Surgery journal showed that more than 80% of women with breast implants said that the surgery boosted their confidence and self esteem in a big way. Nearly all women (92%) who received implants thought the surgery improved their overall appearance.

Think I'm bullshitting you? According to Paul J. Rosch, M.D., President of The American Institute of Stress and Clinical Professor of Medicine and Psychiatry at Duke University, "Cheerful and optimistic people are more likely to live longer than others", he stated in a Duke University study on happiness. "It was also found that women who had received breast implants had a more positive outlook and were 44 percent more likely to live an average of 7.2 years longer than their counterparts who eschewed breast augmentation.

In short, big tits = better, happier and longer lives.

Now, I know what you're saying, "Sure, that's great, TitMan, but boob jobs ain't free. I just can't afford it."

I hear you. The going rate for breast augmentation nowadays is $5,000-$9,000 which, I grant you, is a fair amount of bread. But look at it this way, with a pair of DD's under your sweater, you'll never have to buy another drink at Trader Vic's.

But seriously, is $7,000 too much to pay for greater self-esteem and more confidence? Is it too much to pay for a happier life?

Is $7,000 too much to pay to live an additional 7.2 years?

Think about it.